A Fashion Heat Stroke

Ahh, camp time.  Not me, the oldest.  She’s off to camp this week for the first time ever.  Yes, this is the first time she’s been away from home and it’s about to kill me.  I miss her like crazy!

Funny story, though.  So, I’m on this path to fashion brilliance and I picked out what I considered a pretty cute outfit; (very thick) skinny jeans, a satin ruffle shirt, a cardigan, and 5″ wedges.  We went to church first and then straight to bring the oldest to camp (3 hour drive).

Mind you, we are in record setting heat and I am dressed like it is October.  I really painted myself in a corner wearing the satin shirt, because since it had tiny little straps, I couldn’t very well take the cardigan off at church camp.  None of these things occurred to me, though.  Hey, why listen to common sense when you can look cute?

So we arrive at the camp and I kid you not, it is 108 degrees according to the dashboard.  And that wasn’t sitting in the sun, that was driving down the road.  It was sweltering.  The car ride down was fine, but we stepped out of the car and it was like hitting a brick wall.  It was impossibly heavy with humidity, and I started to sweat immediately.  I take my wedges off to put on the flats that I’d brought, only to realize that I left ONE of them at home in a moment of brilliance.  I dig through the trunk and I have ONE yellow flip flop and six pairs of heels.  Well…crap.  I threw on my Nine West heeled sandals (3″ heel, one strap around the ankle and a tiny strap over the toes) and trenched through the woods.  Still sweltering, I was then mumbling to myself because it had occurred to me that I was one of “those women”.

You know them.  The ones that wear completely ridiculous, inappropriate outfits just to look cute?  *sigh*

It began to occur to me how THICK these skinny jeans were.  Impossibly so, and SKIN tight.  I kept that stupid cardigan on out of respect for the church camp, meanwhile cursing my idiocy and avoiding eye contact with Hubbin, who I was positive was laughing from the inside.  After trenching through the woods (in heels, with a stroller), we got to her cabin.  Not air-conditioned.  I nearly collapsed.  I’m unfolding the sleeping blanket and I ripped my heels off.  I got her all set up, only to whimper when I looked at my shoes.  I had a blister on the top of my foot and I did NOT want to put them back in the heels.  They clasped at the ankle and in a moment of rebellion, I shoved my feet in without undoing the clasp.

SNAP.  (The shoe, not me.  That’s later.)

You. Are. Kidding.  So, now I’m walking through the woods BAREFOOT (there’s no way to keep the shoe on at this point), with the stroller in 108 degree heat, dressed like a cool fall day.  I thought back through my life and remembered the college days, and all the things I’ve done, and realized that if I were going to hell, it surely wouldn’t be from visible bra straps.   I finally ripped off the cardigan before realizing the satin was COMPLETELY drenched.  I didn’t care. I ran to the car and let Hubbin pack everything back up, put the stroller away, and run the forgotten sunblock back to the cabin while I soaked up the air conditioning.

So there is your laugh of the day at my expense!