August 2012 archive

Aug 22

The Great Ped Egg Incident of 2008

There have been several times that I was unnecessarily injured in the line of beauty, though little can even hold a candle to what I and my friends refer to as The Great Ped Egg Incident of 2008. I got a Ped Egg because I had such high hopes at how beautiful my feet could be. I don’t do pedicures (I’ve had maybe 3 my whole life), so I thought this would be such a great and cheap way to make my feet ready for the summer. I would be ready to take on the world, y’all.

I soaked my feet beforehand, and got to egging. Instantly, I was simultaneously hooked and disgusted. The shavings were falling everywhere. After a quick google search, I realized I was doing it upside down. Once I turned it rightside up, we were good to go. And go we did. I put on Grey’s Anatomy and watched as Addison came back and put the heart back inside a baby (shocking, since that character puts the heart in nothing, but I digress). Fascinated, I continued through much of Must See TV until the news came on.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 20

Kindependence Day

It comes as no surprise to anyone that’s ever met me that I parent with great sarcasm and little enthusiasm. Actually, I’m enthusiastic, and I love my kids more than I could ever put into words, but I am not as maternal as most mothers. I need personal space and little chaos. Luckily my oldest child is freaking awesome and wonderful and well behaved and does not fault me for this. This is her a few days before her first day of school, since I actually forgot to take a picture. The beams from heaven are proof if what an angel she is.

20120820-003944.jpg

Angel Baby

She had been in daycare from the tender age of five months, so when the first day of school came, I’ll be quite honest and say that it felt little different. I didn’t put her on the bus because it came at an ungodly hour, so I took her and dropped her off, and it felt really no different.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 14

Strict Daddy

When Hubbin and I met, my oldest daughter was 2. He has, since day one, been absolutely wonderful with her; couldn’t ask for more from him. For obvious reasons, I handled all the discipline that involved more than a general reprimand. While he’s usually agreed with what I’ve done, there were distinct points when she was younger that I knew he disagreed with how I chose to handle things (especially before we got married, and I was on my own and she was younger). There were occasions where it was very obvious that he would “never tolerate” that, had it been up to him. Now, mind you, he’s never been the strict disciplinarian he thought he was. One blink from Kennedy’s big blue eyes and he would just melt. He is a bit softer than he would have admitted, but still held very high expectations.

You learn, though, pretty early on if you’re lucky, that you have to pick your battles with a tiny toddler terrorist. And some days, after working 12 hours, it’s just not worth arguing about stupid stuff. So you make concessions and you give in to stuff that you swore you would neeeeeever do. Before we had The Little Jerk, I said “Just you wait. You wait until it’s been a long day, and you’re exhausted and she’s fussy and you’ll give in too. You just wait.” Not Hubbin, though; he was going to be Strict Daddy. Strict Daddy enforces dinner time, and Strict Daddy won’t be picking any battles because Strict Daddy won’t be teaching any children that you can whine your way out of something you don’t like.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 05

Recovering….

Hey, y’all! I’ve been quiet lately because I’ve been attempting to recover. For some reason, I intended on not taking any time off after the surgery. I’m honestly not sure what in the hell I was thinking, because I’m pretty sure all it did was prolong the healing. Apparently even though it’s laproscopic, it still should be taken more seriously than, say, a cough.

So anyway, I’m healing. I hope to God that I’m still swollen, but it’s definitely a possibility that this is my new shape thanks to the $40 in cupcakes I’ve eaten this week.

Yesterday the gang headed to the mall (you know really, I don’t know WTF possesses us to continue to bring this child in public). She was alright, save for a moment in Barnes and Noble where I expressed my genuine appreciation for getting spayed after I realized that her outfit wasn’t soaked in apple juice as we’d thought, but instead in poop soup.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 01

Fertility-ectomy

Ok, so I wasn’t going to say anything because I mean…it’s kind of personal and most people don’t need to hear it, but whatever, here we go. It’s mildly entertaining I think.

I went and got formally baby-proofed. And before you say “OMG that’s a major surgery, Hubbin should have done it!” believe me, I agree. However, Hubbin has been upfront and honest since Day 1 that he would NOT be having any baby-proofing surgery, and also, he wouldn’t mind another child. So while I did not want the surgery, I didn’t want another baby even more.

Two nights before, Hubbin looks at me and says “Are you sure you want to do this?” Hmm…let’s recap, shall we?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, Hubbin, no thanks.

So the day before, I go in for all my pre-op blood work and paper-signing. The doctor is giving me all the disclaimers, saying that it’s possible to still get pregnant, and he says “If that happens…” and I interrupt with “You’ll pay child support, right?” and it was then that I realized that his sense of humor was not all that great. No more jokes, Lacky.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!