There have been several times that I was unnecessarily injured in the line of beauty, though little can even hold a candle to what I and my friends refer to as The Great Ped Egg Incident of 2008. I got a Ped Egg because I had such high hopes at how beautiful my feet could be. I don’t do pedicures (I’ve had maybe 3 my whole life), so I thought this would be such a great and cheap way to make my feet ready for the summer. I would be ready to take on the world, y’all.
I soaked my feet beforehand, and got to egging. Instantly, I was simultaneously hooked and disgusted. The shavings were falling everywhere. After a quick google search, I realized I was doing it upside down. Once I turned it rightside up, we were good to go. And go we did. I put on Grey’s Anatomy and watched as Addison came back and put the heart back inside a baby (shocking, since that character puts the heart in nothing, but I digress). Fascinated, I continued through much of Must See TV until the news came on.
Wait a minute. Have I been cheese grating my feet for more than 3 hours?!
OH YES, YES I HAVE. I remember thinking “Hmm…I wonder if that was too long”.
YES, Y’ALL, YES IT WAS.
I could barely walk the next day. I was in horrific pain, and this was back when I was a waitress, so that made everything fun. I winced and limped and most of all, whined, to the nearest CVS. The pharmacist actually gasped when he saw my feet, and then informed me that I had taken at least two layers of healthy skin OFF (by the way, the outer layers of your foot is where your dignity is stored, because once I wrangled my mangled foot onto a pharmacy counter, I realized that had vanished as well). One of the things that’s important to know before you grate the skin off your feet (I mean really, what was I thinking?!) is how to tell the difference between DRY skin and DEAD skin, because I can testify to the fact that the Ped Egg does not discriminate and cares not.
Hubbin took my Ped Egg away when I showed him all the shavings inside and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t loved me the same since. I’ve been to the salon of a few times but I really dislike my feet being touched. The alternative was nasty feet until I found Lemongrass Spa. If you haven’t heard of them, they’re awesome. My friend Katherine turned me onto them. They had me at “Made in the USA” but had me more because the stuff works so good. I’m typically skeptical about anything that markets via parties, so I have to really like stuff to recommend it.
Anyway, their Body Polish (the Eternal Bliss scent is to die for) is perfect for times that you want to remove dry skin but don’t want to lose layers or sensation or pride. I like ingredients I can pronounce, too, so all the better. I think they say that the products are so safe you can eat them, but I gave Charlotte some of their bath salts for dinner and this is what happened:
They actually have a lot of really cool stuff, so I do recommend checking them out. They didn’t take my suggestion of making the Body Polish slogan “Not Potentially Fatal Like the Ped Egg”, but I haven’t given up hope just yet.