September 2012 archive

Sep 30

Kitchen : Phase 1

I have come to terms that this thing ain’t getting done in one afternoon. Hubbin left this afternoon to go watch the Niners Jets game in peace with a friend, and when he left I figured today was as good a time as any to paint the trim.

Well, had I not left the top off the paint the last time I used it. It is now a $40 gallon of glue. I considered just waiting for another day, but then I looked around the house and realized that if I didn’t paint, I’d need to clean. And I definitely didn’t want to clean. The paint for the walls hadn’t been opened, so I embarked on that. I managed to actually paint the entire kitchen (and the entryway, actually) in a few hours, so I’m pretty pleased.

Here you go!

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The bottom trim does not look great, and I know that; I actually decided earlier today that I want to replace it, so I was super duper sloppy and didn’t even care one tiny bit!  We still have to paint the cabinets, install the new doors, and get new countertops, but in the meantime, at least the paint is a liveable color! I’m happy with the result so far and am that much more excited to get the rest of it done!

Sep 24

The Dreaded Kitchen

I cannot believe that I am showing these online. Publishing, for the whole world! Ok, publishing for like…20 of my closest friends, and probably 10 people that can’t stand me but cyber stalk (FYI, Google Analytics never lies!). This kitchen is a hot mess, y’all. Ugh. You ready?

 HA! Told you so!

I know. And actually, you should have seen it before I spray painted those AWFUL handles, bought decent blinds, and laid the new floor. It was horrible. This is why I get angry when I watch the idiots on House Hunters that are all “ZOMG I can NOT live in a house that doesn’t have granite”. Um, granite? Shoot, I’d be thrilled with anything less than faux butcher block laminate.

My husband is wonderful. He really is a wonderful man. He also, however, is a colorblind man. That color? Chosen when he was a bachelor. I’m not sure what it is officially called, but it is uglier than hell. We lost two drawers and two doors, as well, in order to get the dishwasher (definitely worth it). It’s just a mess. I have never before posted before pictures when there’s no after; nevermind of the worst room in the house.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Sep 18

Those Four Little Words

Middle school was not easy for me, for several reasons, but mostly because I looked like this:

srms

Oh, girl. Just. . . . no.

I have blocked out most of it, because it was awful. Y’all think kids are mean in general? Try looking like that. I was 11 in that picture! Awful, though I did learn very early on that relying on my looks to get me through life was not going to be an option. Some stuff stays with me, like the octave my sister used when she sang “Bucky the Beeeeaaaaa-vah!” to me, or when my mother would ask me after a dental visit if they flossed between my front teeth with a rope. Yes, these actually DID happen.

So my oldest, the angel, is in third grade. She’s beautiful and will have none of the same issues that I had, and for that, I am simultaneously grateful and jealous. Her white-blonde hair and striking blue eyes make it obvious that she’s a combination of our best features, but put together in a way that allow her to look like neither her father, nor I.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Sep 12

The Many Faces of The Little Jerk

The Little Jerk has had a million pictures taken of her since she was born. She’s likely the most photographed baby on Facebook, and because of this, has a large following. She was sarcastic from the start, because she has a very expressive face. Sidenote: I was at a bar when I was younger, and I was sitting at a table watching people walk in, and like any immature 20-something, was mentally assessing them. After a bit, a woman came up to me and said “Honey, you have a very expressive face; you really need to watch yourself.”

And it’s true, I do. And I credit my whole “still being alive” thing with the absence of a thought bubble, because if I had one, we would surely be in trouble. TLJ has an expressive face as well, and my dry sarcasm as her “inner monologue”. One of my favorite things to do when she was younger became getting these ridiculous expressions in pictures to send in for her high school yearbook cherish forever. Here are a few of my favorites, and what I’m positive she was thinking at the time:

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Sep 11

The World is Going to Hell, Part 2

I hate the Kardashians, y’all. They are everything that is wrong with today. And Today, actually. If you hadn’t read, the Today show chose to ignore the moment of silence this morning to instead show Fame Whore Queen Mama Kardashian. Talking about what? I haven’t a clue, I refuse to watch the video. I actually refuse to watch any of their shows.

There is plenty of other trash I watch, don’t get me wrong. I’m just particularly disgusted by this one, and most especially the “mother”. I actually think I find it more offensive than Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, or, as I like to call it, The Anna Nicole Show: The Prequel.

Click here to deaden your faith in humanity and watch it, if you’d like.

20120911-190620.jpg This is my best drawing of Kardashian evil. Look, I never said I was an artist.

Sep 11

OFP

I’ve been OFP (my own program) for the last week, sorry y’all. It’s a combination of things, actually. First of all, The Little Jerk has been fricking awesome, to be quote honest. I haven’t said anything, because I didn’t want to jinx it, but her new, improved personality seems to be consistent enough to maybe post something. Here’s to hoping her head is done spinning around! She’s walking and talking, and she’s funny and you can see this glimmer of a really fun, spunky personality. She reminds me a lot of me, so maybe she’ll get all the fun stuff about me, but with Hubbin’s responsibility and logic.

Secondly, my sister is buying a house and is having me design all the rooms. It is fun and exciting and like every little sister’s dream to do something so big.

The best part is that, as I’ve mentioned before, she is the better looking, more successful version of me, so I get to design with a budget way beyond what I could ever do here. So that part is really, really fun is by far the thing I am most excited about at this point. Plus, I’m having a blast and my sister thinks I am a genius/rockstar, which is icing on the cake.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!