Category: Marriage Stuff

A Party Ten Years in the Making

(Written in May – look, I’ve been lazy, alright?)

The Oldest One’s father and I separated in 2005 when she was five months old. Like most divorces, it was contentious, and a lot of bad choices were made on both sides (mostly the in way I reacted to things). I’ll admit that it’s not easy to share custody of an infant, and I most certainly didn’t make it any easier. There were times that it got easier, but mostly it was hard.

Luckily, we both always loved her more than we hated each other, and that has always made all the difference. She’s been blissfully ignorant about the contention at most times (it never lasted long, but, you know, if you don’t get along when you’re married, you definitely won’t when you’re divorced). It got much easier when I met Hubbin and he met the woman I call The Best Stepmother Ever, though I’ll shorten it to Rhea on the internet.

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Mother Daughter Talks

(Written in February, 2014)

The other day I found out about some mean girl stuff that was going on and got to have a long talk with The Oldest One, who turns 10 in April. She’s growing so fast. Always a wise old soul, she’s been a breeze since she was born, aside from being a rough baby. In ways, she has raised me more than I have raised her. Quick to forgive and never without a smile, she’s a parent’s dream.

She’s also incredibly faithful, and her thirst for more of God always takes me off guard. Baptized at 9 this year after years of asking me, she is serious in her faith and rarely waivers.

She’s also every bit of a people pleaser, which worried me as she grew and the other day, proved that I wasn’t very off in my concern that, although she is incredibly strong, her desire to please may cause issues down the road with peer pressure.

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The Story of the Wedding Dress

Oh, the wedding dress. I bought it before Hubbin had even proposed; MONTHS before he’d proposed, actually. I went with a friend just to be silly, and there it was; totally different than I ever thought I’d wear, and on a clearance rack. I grabbed it along with a few others, and started trying on dresses.

The very effeminate man working in the boutique that day made the obligatory oohs and aahs until I stepped out in The Dress, and he clasped his hands over his mouth and said “Oh honey, that’s the one”. And it was…it SO was the one. I bought it that day. I knew Hubbin would propose one day, and I knew that was my dress.

There wasn't any point in getting white; my kid was there, the jig was up.

There wasn’t any point in getting white; my kid was there, the jig was up.

It hung in the closet, and that cold Thanksgiving night, Hubbin proposed. I gazed at my ring and peeked at my dress, and couldn’t wait for the day I would wear it.

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One Year – Part 1

(Written April 3, 2014)

In the late hours of April 4, 2013, the fate of the next 12 months had been sealed.

That evening kicked off the beginning of the end for me of that season in my life, and over the next 9 days, I would unravel in a complete transformation of my life, which included quitting the job that I had once loved dearly. I didn’t know then that I would come out on the other side, remarkably and permanently changed. It would take almost a year to fully realize how much pain I had been carrying around during that time. After reflecting over the last year, I’ve seen the stages I went through at different times.

There was the Adrenaline Stage – where I was forced into a fight or flight mode and ran on auto-pilot, protecting myself and my family. Then the Disbelief Stage – where I sat and wondered what on Earth I did with my life. I never, not a single time, not for a split second, regretted quitting my job. But I’d worked since I was 12, and people, I am HIGH maintenance. I had no idea how we were going to be ok on one income. I knew we would be fine; I knew we would eat…I just didn’t know how we were going to handle it mentally. I also had no idea what I was going to do – if I was going to immediately look for work, or take time off.

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Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! It’s been a crazy week, with the jerky polar vortex and farty new-ish dog and 20+ inches of snow (that was yesterday, today it’s 52 degrees outside, so that’s a nice runny mess). To add, Hubbin went out of town right before the storm hit, and to be nice, he went out and got stuff to stock the cabinets for me. And he totally proved that he listens to me, because the previous few days, I’d done nothing but complain about how there was nothing at all to snack on. So, he went and got me snacks. Awesome.

Except by that night, we’d eaten all the normal food, so snack food was all that was left. We finally dug ourselves out today and went out for real food and then off to the grocery store.

Today was simple; Hubbin and I don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day. We usually have a decent meal together (today we took The Oldest One with us to our Valentine Lunch), but don’t exchange gifts. Over years of being on support sites, accompanied with talking to others, Valentine’s Day took on a different shape to me. I am extraordinarily blessed with a wonderful husband who puts God at the forefront of our marriage and, over the last year, has really taken our marriage into a whole new world. The last year has been better than ever, but even before that, we didn’t put much stock in Valentine’s Day.

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The Marriage Retreat (and why I should never pack)

The Marriage Retreat this year was much different than last year in many good ways. Some of this is funny, some is poetic, and some is spiritual, because, well, that’s the point of the retreat.

I packed for the retreat the night before, and Hubbin has repeatedly asked me not to pack for him, so whatever, I didn’t. I packed most of what I could the night before, because I had to work the next day an hour in the opposite direction of the already 90 minute away location. I worked, got off a bit early, grabbed a few things from home, and set on my way.

Hubbin was already in The Middle of Nowhere, where the retreat was, so I met him (and our table group) at a restaurant close by. We ate and arrived at the retreat, which is a motel-type conference center that is about 50 miles past any civilization that you would be comfortable stopping at. No television, no cell service, just…y’all. It’s stunningly beautiful there, though, and they have this phenomenal Chef named Cody that makes THE BEST food ever.

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