I saw this sign today, posted on Facebook; it says
“And so it was . . . that she, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised.”
I realized I’ve been really overwhelmed with this feeling lately. Once upon a time, I was a single mom that really was struggling to make it. Newly separated, and with a five-month-old depending on me, I realized that my path, my dreams, had somewhere gone terribly awry from what I had envisioned for myself. I never dreamed I’d be the poor single mother with no degree; or, more accurately, with half a degree. I’d put my schooling “on hold” (aka, couldn’t balance it) during my first marriage, and worked in the blossoming career as a delivery driver for Domino’s before working for my mother’s accounting firm when I was too pregnant to bring people their food. When my marriage dissolved, I found myself in a very different place than I’d ever anticipated, and I busted my butt and worked three jobs while commuting 3 hours a day, 3 days a week. And I kid you not, I never slept. I remember sitting and sobbing at times, hating that I was working and schooling so much that I was missing important things with my daughter. I remember my mother telling me to just focus on the finish line; that one day it would all be worth it. And then I graduated and my starting salary for my first job was SO much less than I thought it would be. All that work…what was it for? It seemed like that day would never come.
And then there is Charlotte; she didn’t come easily. It took a couple of pregnancies to get her, and at times I thought that dream got further away instead of closer. During one of those hard days, Hubbin comforted me and told me that if I didn’t want to give it another chance, I didn’t have to. And I seriously considered it.
A few weeks ago I was beginning our tax preparation, and I was thoroughly disgruntled at our tax burden. As I became increasingly frustrated, it hit me – I was focusing on the wrong number. As I looked at the bigger picture, I saw it; everything I had worked for. What I had thought was mere dreams at one point; I had accomplished it, and it was here in black and white.
And Charlotte, as she prepares to turn two, embodies the realization of another dream that I thought may never come to fruition. The realization that God provided what He had promised – that all I ever really needed was faith.
So, no charming wit in this blog post; just a sobering realization of gratitude, of faith, and of endurance.
Much love, peoples.