Category: Not My Best Moments Stuff

Feb 28

1,000 Days

Anyone that is friends with me on Facebook undoubtedly saw the outpouring of celebration yesterday by my friends, who congratulated me and showered me with gifts and love in celebration of my 1000 days of sobriety.

For those of you that don’t know my story, or weren’t aware of that portion of my story, I wanted to give a narrative that maybe answers some questions you have. So what does that mean? What did life look like 1005 days ago? Do you go to meetings? Do you get a chip?

The answer is no, because I have never gone to meetings. I do have a group of friends that I lean on when I know that the circumstances in front of me start looking like they used to when I did what I always did – find my way back to self-destruction, through which ever path I could get to faster. Sobriety didn’t begin with rehab and meetings, and pre-sobriety did not look like the picture many people have in their head when they think of sobriety or recovery.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Nov 04

Living with Hooligans

Over lunch with a vendor who doesn’t have kids, I remarked that having kids is like living with drunk people. Please see the examples below for backup to my theory.

Exhibit A: they sit in weird positions.

Exhibit B: they are really rude.

Exhibit C: they dress oddly.

Exhibit D: they dance on tables in their underwear.

Exhibit E: they do not understand physics.

Exhibit F: they think they are more musically inclined than they are.

Exhibit G: they sneak into your cabinets with the munchies.

Exhibit H: they are overwhelmed with your nonsense logic and reasoning.

Exhibit I: They are emotionally unstable.

So, fellow roommates of miniature drunk people, cheers to you and your child wrangling. For those of us that may regret “celebrating” too much in college, stop beating yourself up and consider that time “wasted” as a sort-of dress rehearsal for having children. Don’t worry, mamas of littles – you’re doing great.

May 11

Kids Are Resilient.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

They are, aren’t they? Kids can withstand so much; they’re just so resilient.

I hear this a lot when adults justify the decisions they make; I actually said it once to justify my own divorce. Kids are resilient; and she’s young! At five months old, she’ll never remember us together, so it’s not like she’ll miss having her mom and dad together. It will be her normal. 

Lots of rationalizations, there. In retrospect, it wasn’t actually important that I end my marriage sooner because it wouldn’t actually be better for her. It would actually be better for me.

It hurts just to type that, y’all. To admit it, right there in black and white. Sometimes transparency is for the birds. I convinced myself that The Oldest One would be better if mama was happy. You know what didn’t occur to me, though? Making the best of the situation. Maybe not making it obvious that we were unhappy. Perhaps acting like a grown up. You know what kids don’t do? Analyze their parents to see if their happiness is at an adequate level. Kids are naturally kind of narcissistic, and I don’t think they really care if their parents are happy because I don’t think they notice, unless there is abuse.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Feb 15

Reflection

Get your popcorn, y’all; it’s long and it’s taken me 3 months to finish it.

I haven’t thought about this in a long time, which is why it seemed odd when it kept coming back to me, replaying itself over and over in my mind. Something tells me to write about it, so here we go.

I started this blog in 2012. At first, it was going to be about home renovation, and then it just…morphed into parenting and cooking and whatever else was on my mind. Back then, I posted about parenting and fixing the house, and I had more viewers than I thought I would. I attempted to cultivate a persona of what I thought wanted to be read, and I wrote to that demographic. I posted things that weren’t very politically correct, but I didn’t care because it was funny and it made people laugh. And I love to make people laugh.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 22

And now, a bathroom break (or a break FROM the bathroom)

Hubbin chose our vacation spot this year and I have to completely give it to him, he did phenomenal job. Browsing flipkey.com, he showed me a listing and asked if he was reading it right.

Listed was a “Castle in the Sky“, high in the Smoky Mountains, and located in Sylva, NC. Built on 75 wooded acres, it had exactly what I wanted…a pool. And not any pool — a private pool. No yelling kids aside from my own, a pool that overlooked what appeared to be paradise? And affordable. And available.

So he booked it for the

second week of August. With 3600 square feet and comprised of five bedrooms and as many bathrooms, we asked Jason’s best childhood friend and his family to join us, and they accepted much to our delight.

The drive down was pretty uneventful. We pulled over at an overlook and I offered to take a picture of a family for them, and they happily accepted and returned the offer. So, we posed, our little family of four, and it wasn’t until I got back to the car that I saw this picture and just…laughed. Grumpy Toddler strikes again. That poor woman was just trying to do a good deed and take our family picture, and Grumpy Toddler looked at her like she wanted to burn down her house.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 21

A Bathroom Reno, in GIFs

Contractor Extraordinaire Daniel refuses to to acknowledge his awesomeness, but I came home last night and our bathroom was pretty much done. To put that into perspective, our toilet was in the living room two days before this picture was taken.

b2014.5

It’s time to cut the modesty, Daniel! His sidekick Tyler also has put in ridiculous hours (I know they worked long shifts while we were gone, and I know at least one of the days they were there from 8AM until 10:30PM. Complete and utter insanity. And I like to follow up complete and utter insanity with gif stories.

I’d give you details, but the bathroom isn’t done and still needs finishing touches. There is an inch of dust over everything (I am not even lying, I mopped the walls last night), and there’s remaining grout work that was curing behind that shower curtain, which will also soon reveal one of the major changes in the bathroom, too. In fact, during that first “Houston” phone call and hearing the words “black mold” and “the standing water under the floor was deep enough to splash”, Daniel adding “but you get your [surprise]” was the only thing that kept me from throwing myself off the mountain.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!