Tag Archive: kids

May 16

Scared

brave

I heard this quote listening to Jen Hatmaker‘s Willow Creek podcast from Mother’s Day, and I immediately thought of how scared I am as a parent. I think I’ve gotten better, I really do, but I have a long way to go.

This was never more apparent to me than

this past summer when my friend Jessica invited Jason and I out on the boat. I watched as her daughter, a year younger than Grumpy Toddler, was fearless with the water. FEARLESS, y’all, in the best way possible. She was FUN fearless. Jumped in, swam, played in the waves. In contrast, Charlotte clung to us in our laps, and I realized that she was the result of a mom who tried desperately to remove anything that could possibly cause her harm or sadness or discomfort. I had bubbled her right into boring.

When I think back to my life, and the moments that grew me, they really were just not all that fun. They were times I would have skipped if given the chance – if God had given me the foresight into the future. The babies I lost, the marriage that failed, the friendships that I walked away from, those horrible decisions I made. Like it or not, though, the bad grows us. And as I scrambled to block impending discomfort from my kids, I robbed them of their ability to be strong, determined women. Strong mothers. Dependable employees. I took away some of the experiences that would have forced them to learn to problem solve. In short, I decided to get their education FOR them so they wouldn’t have to – as if somehow that was a good thing.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

May 11

Kids Are Resilient.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

They are, aren’t they? Kids can withstand so much; they’re just so resilient.

I hear this a lot when adults justify the decisions they make; I actually said it once to justify my own divorce. Kids are resilient; and she’s young! At five months old, she’ll never remember us together, so it’s not like she’ll miss having her mom and dad together. It will be her normal. 

Lots of rationalizations, there. In retrospect, it wasn’t actually important that I end my marriage sooner because it wouldn’t actually be better for her. It would actually be better for me.

It hurts just to type that, y’all. To admit it, right there in black and white. Sometimes transparency is for the birds. I convinced myself that The Oldest One would be better if mama was happy. You know what didn’t occur to me, though? Making the best of the situation. Maybe not making it obvious that we were unhappy. Perhaps acting like a grown up. You know what kids don’t do? Analyze their parents to see if their happiness is at an adequate level. Kids are naturally kind of narcissistic, and I don’t think they really care if their parents are happy because I don’t think they notice, unless there is abuse.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Aug 18

I hate this bathroom.

burn-it-down

I wish

Ok, so we stayed on vacation an extra day because the contractor let us know that the bathroom wouldn’t be done in time. This was expected for a few reasons, one being that the “little bathroom renovation” turned into like…rebuilding a house. The floors were saturated in “things that had leaked” which is what I will term it because just trust me. The walls behind the shower surround were crumbling and covered in black mold. It had to be completely rebuilt. In fact, it was in such bad shape that it was almost a downstairs bathroom.

We had a great trip back, to be honest, especially considering we had Grumpy Toddler in the car. It’s amazing what two iPads, a dual screen DVD player with 12 DVDs to choose from, books, crayons, a big sister, barbies, baby dolls, and a Daddy that will sit like a pretzel just to hold a toddler’s hand will do. Whatever, it worked and I should probably be ashamed but I am not because we all got back alive and really, that’s my job as their mom.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Jul 02

A Party Ten Years in the Making

(Written in May – look, I’ve been lazy, alright?)

The Oldest One’s father and I separated in 2005 when she was five months old. Like most divorces, it was contentious, and a lot of bad choices were made on both sides (mostly the in way I reacted to things). I’ll admit that it’s not easy to share custody of an infant, and I most certainly didn’t make it any easier. There were times that it got easier, but mostly it was hard.

Luckily, we both always loved her more than we hated each other, and that has always made all the difference. She’s been blissfully ignorant about the contention at most times (it never lasted long, but, you know, if you don’t get along when you’re married, you definitely won’t when you’re divorced). It got much easier when I met Hubbin and he met the woman I call The Best Stepmother Ever, though I’ll shorten it to Rhea on the internet.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Jun 20

Mother Daughter Talks

(Written in February, 2014)

The other day I found out about some mean girl stuff that was going on and got to have a long talk with The Oldest One, who turns 10 in April. She’s growing so fast. Always a wise old soul, she’s been a breeze since she was born, aside from being a rough baby. In ways, she has raised me more than I have raised her. Quick to forgive and never without a smile, she’s a parent’s dream.

She’s also incredibly faithful, and her thirst for more of God always takes me off guard. Baptized at 9 this year after years of asking me, she is serious in her faith and rarely waivers.

She’s also every bit of a people pleaser, which worried me as she grew and the other day, proved that I wasn’t very off in my concern that, although she is incredibly strong, her desire to please may cause issues down the road with peer pressure.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

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