Tag Archive: divorce

May 11

Kids Are Resilient.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

This picture was taken the day we separated.

They are, aren’t they? Kids can withstand so much; they’re just so resilient.

I hear this a lot when adults justify the decisions they make; I actually said it once to justify my own divorce. Kids are resilient; and she’s young! At five months old, she’ll never remember us together, so it’s not like she’ll miss having her mom and dad together. It will be her normal. 

Lots of rationalizations, there. In retrospect, it wasn’t actually important that I end my marriage sooner because it wouldn’t actually be better for her. It would actually be better for me.

It hurts just to type that, y’all. To admit it, right there in black and white. Sometimes transparency is for the birds. I convinced myself that The Oldest One would be better if mama was happy. You know what didn’t occur to me, though? Making the best of the situation. Maybe not making it obvious that we were unhappy. Perhaps acting like a grown up. You know what kids don’t do? Analyze their parents to see if their happiness is at an adequate level. Kids are naturally kind of narcissistic, and I don’t think they really care if their parents are happy because I don’t think they notice, unless there is abuse.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

Jul 02

A Party Ten Years in the Making

(Written in May – look, I’ve been lazy, alright?)

The Oldest One’s father and I separated in 2005 when she was five months old. Like most divorces, it was contentious, and a lot of bad choices were made on both sides (mostly the in way I reacted to things). I’ll admit that it’s not easy to share custody of an infant, and I most certainly didn’t make it any easier. There were times that it got easier, but mostly it was hard.

Luckily, we both always loved her more than we hated each other, and that has always made all the difference. She’s been blissfully ignorant about the contention at most times (it never lasted long, but, you know, if you don’t get along when you’re married, you definitely won’t when you’re divorced). It got much easier when I met Hubbin and he met the woman I call The Best Stepmother Ever, though I’ll shorten it to Rhea on the internet.

That isn’t it, y’all. You have to click here to read the rest!

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